c:\doc\web\97\10\martha.txt
Date sent:        Thu, 11 Dec 1997 13:17:31 +0000
Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar


Dec. 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey.  Spray gold, turn upside down and
use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.


Dec. 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing message for answering machine.


Dec. 3
Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pinecones, fashion
cat-o-nine-tails.  Flog Gardener.


Dec. 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ercu, with mocha trim.


Dec. 5

Get new eyeglasses.  Grind lenses myself.


Dec. 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.


Dec. 7
Debug windows 95


Dec. 10 
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth


Dec. 11
Lay Faberge Egg


Dec. 12
Take dog apart, disinfect, reassemble.


Dec. 13
Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for
decorative pie crusts.


Dec. 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.


Dec. 15 
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are
shot out at mall.


Dec. 17
Child proof the Christmas tree with garlands of razor wire.


Dec. 19
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be the same
height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.


Dec. 20 
Dip sheep and cows in egg white and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a
festive sparkle to the pasture.


Dec. 21
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon
sticks.


Dec. 22 
Float votive candles in toilet tank.


Dec. 23 
Seed clouds for white Christmas.


Dec. 24
Do my annual good deed.  Go to several stores.  Be seen engaged in last
minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than
they really are.


Dec. 25
Bear son.  Swaddle.  Lay in color coordinated manger scented with handmade
potpourri


Dec. 26
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum


Dec. 27
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.


Dec. 31
New Year's Eve.  Give staff their resolutions.  Call a friend in each time
zone of the world as the clock stikes midnight in that country.