\doc\web\97\06\parent.txt\
> You Know You're a Mother When....
> > >
> > >    1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure
> > >       they're equal.
> > >    2. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
> > >    3. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
> > >    4. Your kid throws up and you catch it.
> > >    5. Someone else's kid throws up at a party.  You keep eating.
> > >    6. You consider finger paints to be a controlled substance.
> > >    7. You've mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes
> > >       and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
> > >    8. Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a Potty" out loud
> > >       in the lobby of Grand Central Station and you do it.
> > >    9. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child
> > >       chews his toast into the shape  of a gun.
> > >   10. You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your
> > >       child eats.
> > >   11. You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
> > >   12. You hate the thought of his wife even more.
> > >   13. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute
> > >       shapes.
> > >   14. You can't bear to give away baby clothes-it's so final.
> > >   15. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you
> > >       say, "NOT in your good   clothes!"
> > >   16. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
> > >   17. You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get
> > >       that disease.
> > >   18. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your
> > >       husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on
> > >       the kids.
> > >   19. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
> > >   20. You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job",
> > >       but you know you would't trade it for anything.
> >>*****> >
> > >"How many times have you heard the comment that people have to take a
> > >test to drive a car, but anyone can be a parent?  A test is needed.


> > >And not one with a bunch of Bozo questions like 'How many servings of
> > >vegetables are required for a three-year old female living in Boise who
> > >walks 4.3 miles a day?'  No, this test will ask the REAL questions.
> > >Are you ready to find out if you have the right stuff to be a parent in
> > >the 90s?  Get those number two pencils ready.  And let's keep our eyes on
> > >our own papers, people.
> > >
> > >THE PARENTING TEST
> > >
> > >Section One  ---  Mathematics
> > >
> > >For each problem, estimate the total number of times this phrase is
> > >used per parent per week.  (2 points per question)
> > >1]   I don't care what the other kids get to do.
> > >2]   ... and this time I really mean it.
> > >3]   Somebody's going to get hurt doing that.
> > >4]   See, I told you somebody was going to get hurt doing that.
> > >5]   Now we're REALLY going to be late.
> > >6]   One ... I'm counting ... two ... I'm counting ...
> > >7]   Because I'm the Mommy (Daddy).
> > >8]   Let's not discuss that at the dinner table.
> > >9]   Why is your brother (sister) crying?
> > >10]   Okay ... but only five more minutes.
> > >
> > >Section Two  --  Fill in the Blank
> > >
> > >Write the correct word in the blank.  (3 points per question)
> > >1]   Tickle Me ____________.
> > >2]   101 _________________.
> > >3]   The Berenstain _________.
> > >4]   Clifford, the Big _________ Dog.
> > >5]   _______________ Nuggets.
> > >6]   _______________ Meals.
> > >7]   Please won't you be my _____________?
> > >
> > >Section Three  --  Matching
> > >
> > >Match each vocabulary word with its definition.  (4 points per
> > >question).
> > >1]   Amoxicillin
> > >2]   Legos
> > >3]   Pull-Ups
> > >4]   Push-Ups
> > >5]   Tubes
> > >******
> > >A]   Small bits of plastic designed to accentuate any style of
> > >carpeting.
> > >B]   Either a recreational device origally developed for hamsters,
> > >but since adapted for use by children in fast food restaurants
> > >OR that which is placed in ears when Letter "C" fails.
> > >C]   A pink sustance which is usually a regular part of a toddler's
> > >diet.
> > >D]   A frozen food amazingly devoid of any nutritional value.
> > >E]   A disposable article of clothing which one swears will only be
> > >necessary for a few more weeks.
> > >
> > >Section Four  --  Problem Solving
> > >
> > >Briefly describe the solution to each problem.  (5 points per question)
> > >1]   It is 8:50a.m.  School starts at 9a.m.  Where are your car keys?
> > >2]   She says that he started it.  He says she started it.  Who's right?
> > >3]   You are attempting to go to the post office with two very
> > >large packages, two very small children, zero very close
> > >parking places, and one frazzled parent.  How will you
> > >accomplish this?
> > >4]   At 7p.m., you must be at dance class with Debbie, Cub Scouts
> > >with Carl, and soccer with Susie.  Without any King Soloman
> > >manuevers, how will this be done?

> > >
> > >Section Five  --  Essay
> > >
> > >Answer the question and defend your choice.  (19 points)
> > >Which of the 'Big V's' has made a bigger contribution to parenting -
> > >- -
> > >Vacuum cleaners      'Velcro'      or the VCR?"


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