\doc\web\97\06\aismen.txt
ASMEN.DOC Dec 18, 1990 (as appeard in Asian Week)
By Arthur Hu


Part I: A Race of Rodney Dangerfields?


"What happened to that nice Chinese girl? Oh, she's out with some
white guy..."  Wayne Wang's "A Great Wall"


We Asian guys just don't get any respect. I'm tellin ya... OK guys, what is
all this fuss about the "mystique of the Asian male"? Are we not men? (No
we're not DEVO either...) Looks like the SF Examiner's piece on the "New
Demographics of Love" has raised quite a stir. It's not a new issue for
blacks. Here's a quote from Michele Wallace's 1978 national bestseller
"Black Macho & the Myth of the Superwoman": "What did the black man want
with a white woman now? Some women were quite blunt: They wanted black ##

because it was the best ## there was. Liberal white men seemed to feel it
was their duty to condone these relationships because otherwise they would
be racist."


I don't think this is so much a new trend as a topic Asians have previously
talked about only quietly among themselves. Now we've reached the "critical
mass" where everybody else is noticing and wondering about it too. Asians
are now 40% of the freshwomen at MIT, and it's probably close to that at
Berkeley as well. San Francisco is one-third Asian so it is inevitable that
some Asian women can be expected to go "astray".


One thing that should not be in dispute is that there is definitely
something going on, and racist stereotypes have to come from somewhere.
When Madeline Kahn screams in Mel Brooks' "Blazing Saddles" that "It's
twoo, it's twoo!" when she beds with the new black sheriff, I don't think
that the jokes about the "measure of a man" say as much about actual
physiology as perceptions themselves, which have a reality all their own.
Paul Rodriguez remarked that God must have made a deal with each race. "OK,
you've got a choice, a big ## or jobs." Well, it's obvious that the Asian
guys have the jobs.


In "Young Frankenstein", Teri Garr remarked that in building a bigger body,
every part would be proportionally larger as well, and it's a fact that
Caucasians are somewhat larger on the average than Asians. Still, I don't
have any complaints about how American condoms fit, and while I was
definitely the wimp in PE, the jokes were out in the field, not in the
locker room.


A lot of white guys really do prefer Asians, though I'm not sure if the
blondes should worry about it yet. No other race is so frequently mentioned
as a specific preference by white males, and that goes doubly for gay ads
as well. Asian Week even used to carry such ads until some politically
correct kill-joys complained about it. The LA Times classified have had
lots of introduction services featuring Asian women for years. A pair of
Asian students at Harvard found that while the Asian male got nada from his
personal ads in the Phoenix, the woman got an incredible number of
responses, including a lot of sleazy Asiaphiles.


And there are a number of Asian women who don't like Asian guys. Another

Harvard guy cited going to a dance escorted by a Asian woman who had the
nerve to tell him she was really looking for white guys. It was a woman in
Wayne Wang's Dim Sum who said that "Asian guys are deadwood. All they care
about is their Betamax, and BMWs." I have no idea of what she was talking
about. Honest. Ask the wife of any Asian guy with a BMW, 2 VCRs, camcorder,
audiophile stereo, cable TV, PC, and Minolta Maxxum.


Even in 1940s, Laviolette's study of Japanese Americans showed that Nisei
girls noticed a difference. "When I go to Japanese-language school, the
Japanese boys dominate us and are very rude. At public school, the American
boys are very courteous and gentlemanly. I suppose it is because the
Japanese put a higher priority on boys than girls". Today, my high school
cousin discussed with her friends that if white girls like white guys, and
Asian girls like white guys, where did that put the Asian guys? I don't
think we're looking at a new trend at all.


Of course, not all Asian women are happy with their white men. There was
the postal worker who complained that her Filipino wife was getting too
independent, so he shot her, and then flew all over Boston shooting at
everyone in sight. If you want more scary reading, check out "The Dead
Girl" by Melanie Thernstrom about the Bibi Lee case, about a nice Chinese
girl who was murdered by her boyfriend who claimed "she ran away" when he
came back alone from a vacation trip.


A survey of Harvard students showed that far more Asian women approved of
interracial dating them Asian men, as other surveys have shown that black
women are more approving of such dating than black men. According to the
1985 Statistical Abstract, there were 1.5 intermarriages between a white
and "other" with white grooms for each with a white bride. While I haven't
seen a definitive survey yet, I challenge any one to go out on campus or on
the street, and count actual couples and tell me that the differential
isn't more than just some racist stereotype. We may never see this because
the laws of political correctness prohibit any study which may produce
"incorrect" results, especially in a field like Asian-American studies.


Hiding in the 1980 Census is the fact that Japanese women outnumber men
between the ages of 45-55, nearly all presumably being postwar military
brides from the 1950s. Now the 1989 INS Yearbook shows that we're getting
twice as many women as men 25-29 from Korea and the Philippines. The INS
registered 2,265 marriages to Korean and 6,529 to Filipino aliens that
lasted at least 2 years in 1989, nearly matching the 3,026 more Korean and
6,501 Filipino women than men immigrants aged 20-39 in 1989. This means
that 56.8% of Korean and 74.6% of the Filipino women immigrants are
marrying Asian women are marrying white, black, or even Hispanic men. Many
Army bases now have sizable population of Korean wives, who have brought
their churches and customs with them.


It looks like these two countries are producing just about all the foreign
Asian brides, since every other Asian country is sending, and Americans
appear to be adopting orphans in roughly equal gender proportions.
Interestingly, while there were 699 more women than men coming from Taiwan,
or 19.4% of women immigrants, 1,375 alien marriages were processed which
means that there must be a lot of men from Taiwan marrying white or
Asian-American brides.


Out of 2.5 million marriages every year though, that's just 0.4 percent,
but considering that Koreans and Filipinos are 1 percent of the population,
these marriages may constitute as many as one-third of their marriages. The
1980 census says that of 688,748 Asian married men 568,504 were of the same
race. For women, this is 826,082 and 816,830. Divide the difference by the
total, and you get 17% of Asian men who married a different race, compared
to just 1% for Asian women.


But wait a minute. How can there be 248,326 more Asian women than men
married to the same race? It seems that 99% of the white guys filling out
the census forms scratched their heads saying "Hmmm, my Suzie isn't black",
and called it a same-race marriage, or were just plain sleeping when they
came across that box. How's that for the IQ of white males? Anyway, if you
divide 246,326 by 826,082 then 30% of Asian women are outmarried, or 1.8
times that rate for males. That matches up with the "other" figures in the
Statistical Abstract, so it makes sense. Boy, it's a good thing I'm good at
math. Here's what I came up with for some Asian groups:


Rate of Outmarriage
Men Women Ratio
Chinese 12.5% 15.0% 1.2
Korean 5.6% 24.4% 4.4
Japanese 15.1% 34.5% 2.3
Filipino 22.0% 31.7% 1.4
Indian 16.2% 16.4% 1.0
Vietnamese 9.6% 26.4% 2.9
All Asian/PI 17.0% 30.0% 1.8


Note that the majority of Asians still stick to their own. There are still
a few Koreans who won't even let their daughters marry people from "lower
class" regions of the country, let alone people of a different race. The
Chinese are actually almost even, so the publicity of Connie Chung and
Maxine Kingston Hong may be more indicative of better publicity for Chinese
women rather than higher numbers. Otherwise, the fact is still that for
Asians as a whole, the women win hands down when it comes to hitching up
with members of the opposite race.


Part II: Values and Perceptions of Asian Gender


(Sung to the tune of "Secret Agent Man")


"He's an ...Asian man, just an ...Asian Man


Someday you'll get girls just like the next guy""


(Flower Drum Song)


"I Enjoy Being a Girl"


So what's going on here? Are Asian men really "inferior" to white guys?
Well, I'm afraid that in this time and culture, the answer is a qualified
"yes". Just like IQ tests are all biased by the nature of who's definition
of intelligence you're talking about, "masculinity" is also determined by
values.


As much as we'd like to think we're a national of politically correct
feminists, I'm afraid Americans haven't changed that much from the 1940s.
Who else went to war in airplanes emblazoned with images of half-naked
women and pinups on their lockers? Back then, whistles were taken as a
compliment by women, and servicemen took as much pride in their record in
drunken brawls as in actual combat.


While young Japanese women aim to be "kawaii" cute, the American image is
better exemplified by the Cosmo cover girl who makes a point setting her
fashion phaser to "stun", and "let it all hang out". You know where the
cultural priorities of the Americans and Japanese lie when the annual
shootout for best computer animation in 1989 was between a Japanese film
about technology and humanity, and Pixar's "Knick-Knack", which featured an
sex-starved snowman being led on by a buxom bikini beauty with a grossly
enhanced "feature set". Tex Avery was famous for cartoons of males falling
to pieces or going nuts when faced by bombshell babes.


Arnold and Stallone are typical of the American idea of masculinity. We're
talking huge proportions, hairy chests and sheer physical prowess capable
of massive quantities of senseless violence. IQ is optional, and Alan Alda
is still a wimp.


After 25 years of feminism, American women still expect to have men call
them, pay for dates, drive them, open doors, and make the first move. Am I
right girls or what? We still raise our little girls to be quiet, petite,
reticent, cooperative, and willing to please. Girls who make the first move
are still floozies. In the 90's, Gloria Steinhem is still trying to keep Ms
from sinking. "I Am Woman" is tied with "You Light Up My Life" as the most
annoying song of the 70's. Meanwhile, the big time bucks is still in
Madonna, Victoria's Secret, and Pretty Woman hooker fantasies, and the real
women's issues are still men, fashion, kids and home.


Ever noticed how Asians "balance" academics and dating? The Japanese are
still having half of their marriages arranged, and you'd think Asians still
do it here too by the way they raise their kids. Not one guy in my family
went to the prom. Many Asians don't even date until they get into college.
Half of high schoolers in Japan haven't even kissed while over here, teens
are asking "Mom, we're going out to have sex, OK?". Just don't forget your
homework. I could only get 1 of 20 Asians at MIT surveyed by phone to admit
to being sexually active, compared to plenty of white students.


Roger and Hammerstein's "Flower Drum Song" was all about the American and
Chinese approaches to dating. The mostly-Americanized son had to choose
between the gorgeous showgirl who was trying to get her boyfriend jealous,
and a "arranged" bride from China. Personally, I think he missed a perfect
match in the equally Americanized girl who just didn't have the nerve to
get her message across. This story also shows that cultural conflicts exist
even within Asians of varying acculturation, let alone with Euromericans.


Asian guys don't have chest hair, and Asians immigrants are on the average
smaller than other Americans. They have straight jet-black hair, cute
little almond eyes, relatively high voices, and aren't real big on violence
or sports. This isn't so great for guys, but the girls come out like
champs, making other American women look like iron-pumping feminist
man-eating Amazons by comparison.


Experts agree that Asian women assimilate faster and are better accepted
than the men. Few realize that Asian men make less than whites. Fewer know
that it is because Asian women make more than white women that their
combined incomes are greater. Asian women are far closer to gender parity
than whites in colleges like MIT, Harvard and Stanford that are
traditionally biased toward males. Asian women don't seem to be
underrepresented at all when it comes to beauty queens, TV news anchors,
cheer leaders, or jokes in Bloom County. Connie Chung and Corey Aquino, but
no Asian men were cited by Gallup as the "most admired" persons in America.


The Japanese have all sorts of wonderful names for the classic Confucian
values. Amae is benevolent dependence, which means being dependent on your

husband or parents, and being kind to those who depend on you, like your
wife and children. Gaman is inner strength, which means putting up with
whatever garbage life throws at you, as opposed to the American "I'm as mad
as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!".


Ie stands for the family, and a whole set of ideas based on hierarchy,
which is utterly opposed to the weird notions of equality between husband
and wife, parents and children, and employer and worker that Americans seem
to take for granted these days. Enyo is the conscious use of silence and
nonverbal communication, which means not speaking out when you don't have
to, and definitely not getting into fights or jumping all over available
women.


The Chinese han means conformity and suppression of individual attributes,
and avoiding saying no. Then there's the good old concept of face, or shame
when you fail at something like getting turned down for dates, while
Americans won't take no for an answer.


I grew up with these values, which might be much of the reason why the
Japanese are trouncing the Americans in the battle for #1. Still, where
these values are supposed to be gender neutral in Asia, all heck breaks out
when you view them with an American's eyes. Now you see a race of men who
are passive wimps, and women who are the perfect definition of what little
girls should be. There's a very big difference in values between what their
parents taught them, and what their friends in school expect of them.
Asians aren't weird, they're just doing their jobs as Asians.


My two brothers who are best assimilated in my family are or will both be
married to round-eyed women, while the two marriages with American-born
women aren't working that great right now. I never had much success with
Euromericans, or American-born Asians either for that matter. Most of them
ended up marrying white guys anyway. My Chinese wife was born in Vietnam,
and I'm American born. Maybe it's just me, but foreign-born girls seem to
be nicer and don't make you jump through hoops to get to them. It seems
that when an American women says maybe, she means no, and even yes can mean
a maybe. When an Asian woman says maybe, she really means yes.


The Asian guy has to be aggressive in making the opening lines and phone
calls, and arrange dynamite dates. It's hard for a guy from a culture that
refrains from outward displays of affection to make just the physical moves
from A to B, let alone all the way to X and Z. It's not exactly a fair
match against guys who are trained from the age of 2 to score with girls.
Americans practically invented dating as we now know it, and it's the
central theme of American popular culture.


Meanwhile, American girls play a game of seeing how many guys they can
seduce, while still staying a virgin until the altar, or whatever passes
for virginity these days. The Asian woman just has to worry about saying
yes or no. Since they haven't been trained to reduce men to a wimpering
puddle of goo before saying yes, some Asians can be relatively easier
pickings for white guys. Some probably like the extra attention. It's no
wonder Asian women are being swept off their feet, while the guys write off
women who go with "Americans".


In the old country, your parents showed you your future spouse, and that
was it. There was no such thing as an imperfect marriage. My mother married
the first guy she seriously dated, and so did her friends, and so did my
wife. Maybe the way its supposed to work for Asians is that you don't date
a guy unless he's really the one.


Americans, on the other hand, try to accumulate "flying hours" by shopping
around until you find Mr. or Ms. Right, and then divorce and keep on
searching when you find your mate is a mere mortal. In America, a guy who
doesn't put in 120% doesn't get anything, while girls don't have to do much
to attract guys who will go after anything that says "yes".


Now consider how this cultural mis-match theory applies to blacks. Blacks
have a reputation for sex and violent macho in their culture that makes
whites look like prudish wimps. Black women are seen as bossy and
assertive. Their hair is short, and the large black woman seems to get all
the publicity even though blacks have "china dolls" too. Maybe it's all
just racist perception, but in this game, it's the thought that counts.


This doesn't mean that all Asian men are doomed to inferiority anymore than
a Reagan landslide means we're a nation of Republicans. It just means that
when all the votes are counted, there's going to be an imbalance unless
things change. Remember that for 3 Asian women with a white guy, there are
2 Asian guys going the other way, and the vast majority stick to their own
kind, especially if they're not aliens. California had laws against Asians
marrying whites until the 50's. I saw one (1) white woman in Seoul hand in
hand with a Korean man. Pam Dawber and Melissa Gilbert have been wooed by
Asian Don Juans on network TV. One white woman I was friends with
ultimately did settle on an Asian boyfriend.


I survived one dinner with a woman who seemed to have a fetish for Asian
guys. Asians cultures don't talk about sex in the open like Americans, but
if Japanese adult comics, cable TV and those little NC-17 ivory carvings
displayed on Grant Ave are any indication, what westerners consider to be
"kinky" is old hat for Asian cultures. Don't ask my wife, please. While
some Jews still treat outmarriage as a death in the family, or the
Holocaust one vow at a time, other Jews consider Asian men to be very good
marriage prospects.


Asians have a few choices. You can pretend it's a a racist figment of the
imagination or tell the activists to cry that "it's not fair". You can take
it lying down. You can decide you're happy with your Asian values,
Americans or no, and not worry about dating quotas. You can get better at
playing the game, and raise your sons to be sex-crazed girl chasers and
your daughters to be cruel teasers who won't do it until they find someone
they truly love. But that's just stooping to their level.


You can sell post-feminist Americans on men who can keep their jobs, treat
women well just because they're supposed to, and won't run off with some
other girl after 2 years leaving you holding the house and kids. (Of course
that's a lie too...) And then there's the final option ... Just grab your
trusty AK-47 and simply fill every goddam racist white male SOB full of
lead and tell them to keep their !@#$ hands off of Asian women. It's your
move.