To:               arthurhu@halcyon.com, matloff@cs.ucdavis.edu
Date sent:        Thu, 16 Jan 1997 09:55:22 EST
Subject:          FYI: Computer Programmer Proverbs
From:             dchiang@juno.com




Computer Programmer Proverbs


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PART I: LOAD TIME


1.
You can always tell a good idea by the enemies it makes.
 - programmer's axiom


2.
Everything always takes twice as long and costs four times as much as you
planned.
 - programmer's axiom


3.
It's never the technical stuff that gets you in trouble. It's the personalities and the politics.
 - programmer's sayings


4.
Those who can't teach.
 - article of faith among students


And vice-versa.
 - programmer's addendum to students' article of faith


5.
Living with a programmer is easy. All you need is the patience of a
saint.
 - programmer's wives' saying


6.
Applications programming is a race between software engineers, who strive
to produce idiot-proof programs, and the Universe which strives to
produce bigger idiots.
 - software engineers' saying


So far, the Universe is winning.
 - applications programmers' saying


7.
The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a
soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with an
idea.
 - computer saying


8.
You can't do just one thing.
 - Campbell's Law of everything


9.
Friends come an go, but enemies accumulate.
 - Murphy's Law #1024


and sometimes the the real trick is telling the difference.
 - Murphy's Law #1024a


10.
Whenever you use a jump, be sure of your destination address.
 - programmer's saying


PART II: LINK TIME


11.
Always secure your files. You never know who's lurking about.
 - programmer's saying


12.
Never argue with a redhaired witch. It wastes your breath and only delays
the inevitable.
 - the collected sayings of Wiz Zumwalt


13.
If you eat a live toad first thing in the morning, nothing worse will happen all day long.
 - California saying


To you or the toad.
 - Niven's restatement of California saying


 --well, most of the time, anyway...
 - programmer's caveat to Niven's restatement of California saying


PART III: COMPILE


14.
You never find out the whole story until after you've signed the
contract.
 - programmer's saying


15.
A jump gone awry is one of the hardest bugs to locate.
 - programmer's saying


16.
You can't unscramble an egg.
 - old saying


You can if you're powerful enough.
 - the collected sayings of Wiz Zumwalt


17.
Magic is real, unless declared integer.
 - the collected sayings of Wiz Zumwalt


18.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
 - Clarke's law


Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
 - Murphy's reformulation of Clarke's law


Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from a rigged
demostration.
 - programmer's restatement of Murphy's reformulation of Clarke's law


19.
Putting twice as many programmers on a project that is late will make it
twice as late.
 - Brooks' law of programming projects


20.
Never give a sucker an even break.
 - W. C. Fields


Especially not if he's a big mean sucker.
 - the collected sayings of Wiz Zumwalt


PART IV: RUN TIME


21.
Sleep? Isn't that a completely inadequate substitute for caffine?
 - programmer's saying


22.
Good client relations are the key to a successful project.
 - consultants' saying


23. At some time in the project you're going to have to break down and
finally define the problem.
 - programmer's saying


24.
Customer support is an art, not a science.
 - marketing saying


So are most other forms of torture.
 - programmers' response


25.
Programming is like pinball. The reward for doing it is the opportunity
of doing it again.
 - programmers' saying