z43\doc\web\2000\07\bergisl.txt


TERRY BERGESON'S ISLAND
Arthur Hu for SPI 2000 with apologies to whoever owns the rights to G.I.


Imagine an episode of Gilligan's Island where Terry Bergeson washes
ashore. She determines that the reason they can't get off the island
is that the castaways, especially Gilligan haven't learned world
class skills for the 21st Century. So she organizes the Gilligan's
Island Assessment of Skills, and puts together a committee to create
a test of what "every castaway must know and be able to do". Every
member must pass a test set to the highest island standards. The
science and math test must be as good as the Professor, while
seamanship must be as good as the captain, to pass you must be as
polite and bake pies as well as Mary Ann, as proficient in economics
and finance as Mr Howell, and as politically correct and cultured as
Mrs Howell, and as talented in the arts as Ginger. As you can
imagine, poor Gilligan starts boning up on calculus, physics,
singing, acting, navigation, and stock markets, but for some reason,
he still can't figure out the test that Bergeson has concocted. The
professor comes up short in singing, the Captain can't figure out
stocks, Ginger isn't any good at history, etc.


When the big test day comes, Gilligan predictably gets the worst
score.  But then he asks what the right answers are, and Bergeson
admits she doesn't know either. Everybody realizes that instead of
saving them, they've turned the island into an academic sweatshop
with Terry as the unofficial dictator of what everyone must do, and
they drive her off the island on the same raft she floated in on.